I find myself more and more thinking back to when my kids were very small. How often I would get overwhelmed or frustrated and would lock myself up in my room to catch my breath and maybe shed a tear or two. I felt as if all I did was yell, say NO, and god-forbid use the television for a few minutes of peace. I would ask myself, “what will they remember?” Guess what? They don’t remember much at all! Not the good or the bad! Of course the reason I have a good relationship with them now and because I loved and disciplined them then, they are well rounded and respectful tweens and teens. But if you are looking for them to remember all the things you did for them when they were little you might want to start recording because otherwise it will be your word against theirs.
I think the most important thing though, is that YOU remember because you are the one that is going to look back and try to recall those summer days at the splash pad, the cool spring days at the park with a packed lunch, the bitter cold wintery days spent in the warmth of the library. You will try to recall minute by minute of each labor and delivery story, the day you brought them home and their first day of school. You will shed a few tears remembering their first real painful accident or the long nights in the ER because they were dehydrated and now had to have that very large needle in their arm for IV fluids.
How fast time has flown and even though you cherished each moment, you still feel as if you didn’t truly get how fast it really would go by. Its like you went to bed exhausted from a long day of toddler tantrums, newborn explosions, and potty training accidents, only to wake up to silence. They sleep in now! Of course the sleeping is still your favorite time to look at them because even now its the only time they are peaceful. If they wake up its as if all hell broke loose. But sometimes the bickering and complaining is better than the silence.
I couldn’t wait for them to start school and now as much as I enjoy the quiet, I find myself missing them. Every summer ends and I still shed tears after their first day of school because I miss them. I miss them now more than ever. I keep wishing for their little children voices and laughter. The cries for Mommy would even be welcomed. Where did my babies go? They are all grown up and guess what? They don’t remember! But I do.